STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
(check all boxes that apply)

Dear:

[ ] Clueless Newbie  [ ] Lamer        [ ] Flamer
[ ] Loser            [ ] Spammer      [ ] Troller
[ ] "Me too" er      [ ] Pervert      [ ] Geek
[ ] Freak            [ ] Nerd         [ ] Elvis
[ ] Racist           [ ] Fed          [ ] Freak
[ ] Fundamentalist   [ ] Satanist     [ ] Homeopath
[ ] Unbearably self-righteous person  [ ] Shoko Asahara


I took exception to your recent:

[ ] Email
[ ] Post to ________ newsgroup
[ ] Post to ________ forum
[ ] Broadcast
[ ] Letter
[ ] Book
[ ] Lecture
[ ] Phone call
[ ] Advertisement
[ ] Schematic
[ ] Telepathic message
[ ] Existence


It was (check all that apply):

[ ] Lame           [ ] Stupid          [ ] Abusive
[ ] Clueless       [ ] Idiotic         [ ] Brain-damaged
[ ] Imbecilic      [ ] Arrogant        [ ] Malevolent
[ ] Contemptible   [ ] Libelous        [ ] Ignorant
[ ] Stupid         [ ] Fundamentalist  [ ] Microsoftian
[ ] Boring         [ ] Dim             [ ] Cowardly
[ ] Deceitful      [ ] Demented        [ ] Self-righteous
[ ] Crazy          [ ] Weird           [ ] Hypocritical
[ ] Loathsome      [ ] Satanic         [ ] Despicable
[ ] Belligerent    [ ] Mind-numbing    [ ] Maladroit
[ ] Much longer than any worthwhile thought you may be capable of.


Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

[ ] You posted what should have been emailed.
[ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line.
[ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup.
[ ] You self-righteously impose your religious beliefs on others.
[ ] You self-righteously impose your racial beliefs on others.
[ ] You posted a binary in a non-binaries group.
[ ] You don't know which group to post in.
[ ] You posted something totally uninteresting.
[ ] You crossposted to *way* too many newsgroups.
[ ] I don't like your tone of voice.
[ ] What you posted has been done before.
[ ] Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
[ ] You quoted an *entire* post in your reply.
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread.
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread.
[ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it.
[ ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam.
[ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in misc.test
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message.
[ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait.
[ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll.
[ ] You followed up to a blatantly obvious troll.
[ ] You said "me too" to something.
[ ] You make no sense.
[ ] Your sig/alias is dreadful.
[ ] You must live in a skinner box to be this clueless.
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad.
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme.
[ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal.
[ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable. Each line just goes on and on, not stopping at 75 characters, making it hard to read.
[ ] You posted in ELitE CaPitALs to look k0OL.
[ ] You posted a message in ALL CAPS, and you don't even own a TRS-80.
[ ] Your post was FULL of RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON.
[ ] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this newsgroup.
[ ] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the Internet.
[ ] You are a loser.
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before.
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
    worthless that you are being flamed on general principles.


I recommend that you:

[ ] Get a clue.
[ ] Get a life.
[ ] Go away.
[ ] Grow up.
[ ] Never post again.
[ ] Read every newsgroup you crossposted to for a week.
[ ] stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
[ ] stop sending Email and get a life.
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it.
[ ] Have your medication adjusted.
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor.
[ ] find a volcano and throw yourself in.
[ ] get a gun and shoot yourself.
[ ] Actually post something relevant.
[ ] Read the FAQ.
[ ] stick to AOL chat rooms and come back when you've grown up.
[ ] Apologize to everybody in this newsgroup.
[ ] consume excrement.
[ ] consume excrement and thus expire.
[ ] Post your tests to misc.test.
[ ] Put your home phone number in your ads from now on.
[ ] Don't post until you have a vague idea what you're doing.


In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
[ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
[ ] *plonk*
[ ] Learn how to post or get off the Internet.
[ ] Most of the above
[ ] All of the above
[ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above
[ ] You are so clueless that I didn't bother filling in this form.