THE XY CONSPIRHAPSODY

To the tune -- naturally -- of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"
(This song is dedicated to my stalwart, fearless, and only slightly insane fellow XY Conspiracy members in alt.fan.dragons. -- Baxil) 

Did love just grab ya?
Did love leap suddenly?
You should be happier,
Free from female duplicity

Open your eyes, come join the XYs and flee,
We need male dragons in our conspiracy
Because we save our love, save our time
Keep that mush out of mind
We've seen XX tricks, and we would really rather be free, be free

Jia just caught a man,
Tied a rope around his wings, now she's doing naughty things
Baxil fought hard for our cause,
But now love's washing all his strength away
Baxil, ooh, with that lost look in your eyes,
I know you're gone for good, but our resistance
Carries on, carries on, as if mating doesn't matter
(Sound of a dragon, FLAMESCALE, walking over instrumental solo, then a sudden snap of a rope and an "Aaack!" as a snare catches around his leg.) 

(Flamescale)
Oh no! My time has come,
They have caught me unaware, to drag me off to some dark lair
Help me, everybody, I don't want to go
Gotta hold on to misogynistic youth
Brothers, ooh, I don't want a mate,
Please help me from this ornery situation
(Over instrumental, sounds of great movement, and the occasional shout of "We're coming!" "We'll free you!") 

I see a little silhouetto of a plaid,
Greffindel, Greffindel, will you help me untangle

(XY Chorus)
Meanwhile, those conniving females are arriving here
(Alternating XX/XY choruses)
"We will get him!"  "We will save him!"
"We will get him!"  "We will save him!  We will save him from this trap!"
Let Flamescale go

(Flamescale)
I'm just a poor drake who wants to stay free
(XY Chorus)
He's holding onto his masculinity
Spare our Flamescale from this girl's mating spree
(Flamescale)
Howdy girls, it's been fun. Will you let me go?

(Jumbled chorus of male and female voices, as appropriate)
You silly! No, we will not let you go
"Let him go!" You silly! We will not let you go
"Let him go!" You silly! We will not let you go
"Let me go" Will not let you go
"Let me go" Will not let you go "Let me go" Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
"Oh you XXers, you XXers!" You XXers, let me go
The fairer sex has a dragon set aside for me, for me, for me
(Spoken over bridge:)
DRAGONESS, seductively: Hi.
FLAMESCALE: Uhm, hi. 

So you think you can lure me back to your home
Just because you've got help from your whole chromosome
Oh baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Guys'll get me out, guys'll get me right outta here
(Sounds of a scuffle over instrumental solo, with excited female squeaking, male yelling, and lots of crashing and bumping. Then, spoken:)

(fading in) FLAMESCALE: ... No! Get away from me! I'll have none of your feminine wiles!
DRAGONESS: It'll be fun!
FLAMESCALE: No! I've heard about your fun. I'll stick to beer, beaches and bowling.
DRAGONESS chorus: Bowling? *Bowling*?
FLAMESCALE (wavering): It's really neat, I swear. ... Well, sort of. Okay, not really.
DRAGONESS: We've got him, girls!
FLAMESCALE: Ack! ... (smothered) Mmmf!
(sounds of large body being dragged away)
ANOTHER DRAGON: Aah! They got Flamescale! Fall back!

(sounds of scrambling and scampering fade out with instrumental) 


(Flamescale singing, out:)
Someday soon they'll get me, anyone can see
But it doesn't really matter,
Doesn't really matter to me


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Content last updated Aug 9, 1999. Design © 2000 Tad "Baxil" Ramspott.